Musings of a Recent College Graduate

There are so many movies where the final scene is high school prom, moving into college, or college graduation. The ultimate “happily ever after” is having a fun night with friends at the age of 17, or completing studies and ready to begin the next stage of life. Rarely do we see anything past that fade-to-black, about the realities that many young recent graduates face. I definitely was not prepared to experience fall in New York, where I’ve lived for three years, with a feeling of FOMO for midterm papers and club activities.

I graduated from NYU in May and completed my studies in July. I reverse engineered my schedule to save money, and to take the courses I really wanted by finishing my career in education with a six-week film acting intensive. By the end, I felt ready, prepared to start developing as a professional artist, and in dire need of a summer siesta. But after taking a very necessary break, I found myself back in the city, touring my new apartment during renovations and began crying as I walked back to meet friends for coffee. I had no idea what the next month, let alone year of my life would look like. There were no plans with the exception of the holidays, a few job offers floating in the ether, and no concept of who I actually wanted to be.

I know this is the part of life where we are supposed to make mistakes, figure out who we are, and to try everything just to see what sticks. It’s exciting to see my friends and I figuring things out, often spending time together in moments of uncertainty. But with social media focusing on the highlights of life, the intense need to make the perfect decision right after completing my studies has grown greater. So, I’ve decided to give myself the permission to do what I’d like in order to figure out the best version of myself. I’m no longer going to check in with five of my closest confidants before making a decision, or sharing every waking moment of my life with the world. I am rediscovering what brings me the most amount of joy beyond career aspirations or societal benchmarks, and what can be found in the moments of stillness when not swarmed by academics or semester-long pressures.

There should be a film that opens with leaving behind college friends as people move to different cities across the country, the job hunt that feels never-ending, and the experience working for the first time post-grad. I feel obligated to document this time in life simply for future reference; as an actor and filmmaker, it’s a force of habit to prepare for potentially writing or developing a project. I know there are people who experience the daunting realities of “real life” out of high school, or who enter the workforce after different programs and service. But the experience of leaving behind the comforts of being a young adult happens to everyone at different stages, just most commonly post-grad. I hope my future self is looking back at me now, smiling and taking a deep breath, asking me to really believe that it will all be okay. She has her own uncertainties that I haven’t even thought of yet. It definitely isn’t fun to only have predictable “happily ever afters” as grand finales; the excitement is in the mystery of it all.