The shameless sex show scene of Bangkok

WRITTEN by Jenni Bull

Walk down Patpong street at night, nestled right in the heart of Bangkok’s red light district, and you will be greeted with all kinds of business owners promoting a “pussy ping pong live show”, or “100% real women sex show”… you get the point. Naturally, as the co-founder of a sex magazine like Moody, this was something I had to see for myself. 

For only 300 Baht, or 9 US dollars, you get a live sex show, oh! & a free drink. This show is unlike any traditional stripper or burlesque experience you may have had before... During your visit you will get to see, and I quote…

⁃ Pussy ping pong

⁃ Pussy smoke cigarettes 

⁃ Pussy open bottle

⁃ Pussy shoot balloon (with darts)

⁃ Pussy write letter

⁃ Pussy chopstick

⁃ Pussy razor blade (multiple)

⁃ Pussy snake (assuming they were out of snakes, as we got frogs instead)

⁃ Pussy fishes in (I don’t know what this means) 

⁃ Pussy blowing balloon 

⁃ Pussy egg

⁃ Pussy carrot

⁃ Pussy needle

⁃ Pussy cracker

⁃ Pussy eel 

⁃ Pussy magic flower 

⁃ Pussy blowing candle

⁃ Pussy cut banana

⁃ Girl and girl lesbian

⁃ Man and woman make love 

⁃ Sexy lady dance 

I know, 

So many options! How can you even decide!? But don’t worry, you don’t have to pick and choose which show might tickle your fancy, you get it all… Whether you like it, or not. 

This means that through my hour of sitting in the front row I witnessed more than I ever knew to be humanly possible. In that hour, we didn’t even get through the full list, excluding “pussy open bottle”, “pussy fishes in”, “pussy needle”, “pussy cracker”, “pussy eel”, “pussy magic flower”, “girl and girl lesbian”, and “man and woman make love”. 

This experience was “immersive” to say the least. We were given paddles to hit back the ping pong balls that were being shot out of this woman’s vagina… Coming towards us at full speed. Some people even bravely went up to the stage to help one of the showgirls light her “pussy cigarettes”. Something they didn’t tell you is “beware of flying objects”, I personally fell victim to the “pussy carrot” part of the show, as a pussy carrot came thwarting full speed at my head, hitting me with a forceful thump, ducking for cover proved no use. 

Even though I was assaulted by incoming pussy carrots…and bananas, I would say the most traumatic aspect of this show was the pussy frogs (substituted for “pussy snake”). One of the women took center stage, precariously placed a clear bucket beneath her and began to contract her stomach muscles. Suddenly, I see a frog leg reach out, almost as if grasping towards the light, and with one kegel-like push, a full size frog plopped out. Horrified to say the least, I thought it would be a one and done thing. Nope, I was sorely mistaken, as a second one was squirted out seconds after. Needless to say I will never look at a frog the same way again. 

As horrifying as this experience was, parts of it were quite impressive. I mean one of the women fully used two chopsticks to pick up glow-stick rings and place them over a bottle, contorting the chopsticks with her vaginal muscles alone. Another, had quite beautiful handwriting despite using her vagina to hold and maneuver a crayola marker (talk about ambidextrous). All four of these women boasted quite impeccable aim, whether it was shooting out ping pong balls or directing darts at balloons. Additionally, I didn’t even think it was possible for a vagina to smoke two cigarettes but I saw with my own eyes a clear inhale and exhale of smoke (unclear the health risks of such though, please never try this at home). It was a learning experience to say the least.

For all that these women put their bodies through, it is beyond shocking that we only paid $9, excluding tipping of course. I mean if I were to pull a string of ten razor blades out of my vagina I’m at least getting into the thousands. It really goes to show the lengths that performers have to go to in order to please their bosses and their clients, to get a paycheck or avoid verbal / physical abuse. The show wasn’t so much as empowering but degrading almost in the way that the owner would shout over the microphone what the next “pussy act” would be as the girls on stage took turns going up to do their duty. Thinking deeply about the ethics of this left me a lot to unpack, not to “yuck” anyones “yum” but man oh man it scares me that this is a thing. 

Will it scar you? Yes. But is it something you need to see just once in your life? If you’re like me, yes. But probably not.