I GOT MY ASS BEAT ON ACID

WRITTEN BY RUBY STYNE

Gotta start off by saying, BITCHES AIN’T SHIT BUT HOES AND TRICKS!

Two years ago I was friends with a psycho hot cheeto girl with anger issues. She’s the type of bitch to have multiple pairs of $300 jordans and proudly crease all of them, she wore camo pants like c’monnnnn, and she’d flinch at you if you looked at her in any way. On top of all of that though, lemme expose her, she was adopted from Poland when she was a baby, like dope, but the thing that gets me is that she has a speech impediment and tried to say it was a polish accent LIKE SHE WASN’T ADOPTED WHEN SHE WAS ONE TO A WHITE ASS FAMILY. She was the boldest person I think I’ll ever meet. Being friends with her, I always found myself is sussss situations. She would be like “Yuh I want you to meet my friends after school, we’ll go to their house’. And we would like pull up to a trap house, guns on the table, and a guy sitting on a couch with a bullet scare and a face tat. It took me a while to realize that hey, maybe she’s not good for me and when I tried to cut her off, well, that’s what this story is about.

It was probably like a tuesday, I had school, but the perfect day to drop acid rightt. The plan was before school only my friends Lilly and Jordynn were gonna come cause I didn’t want Loren to. We drop, we walk to school cause bitch I was on something else back then, our plan was to go to first period, wait for it to kick in and leave like huhhh did I want to have a panic attack?!?! I guess, but we walked to starbucks first and it ended up kicking in in the bathroom so we just went back to my house. We were tripping dicks in my room, dancing to shitty soundcloud music, staring at the wall for hours, and looking out my window at hella trees convincing my friends we were in the forest. You how it be, meeting god and shit. Loren saw that we were all hanging out without her and got hella fomo I guess and started going off on us for how fake we were. But this bitch was gonna fuck up the vibe and I told her like no, go away this friendship ain’t it. God she went crazy blowing up my phone like “TALK SHIT GET HIT BITCH” like omg wtf. She was like “PULL UP PUSSY LET’S SETTLE THIS”. Bro I’m not the one, I don’t fight. So I was like nah I’m not fighting your ugly boney ass, can’t we just agree that we don’t like each other and move on???? But that’s not how she plays. Her ass was still going off like pull up to the parking lot behind chipotle (it was a small parking lot behind these restaurants that was always empty). I’m standing my ground like bitch I don’t wanna hit you WE👏ARE👏NOT👏FIGHTING👏 So she finally was like ok damn, where are you? And I said bitch you can’t even try me, I’m at home. Just a word of advice, don’t tell anyone where you hide your spare house key, even if it’s your friends. Omfg. My friend Lilly (was my neighbor) ran back home to get something real quick, I forget what, but what’s relevant is that it was only my friend Jordynn and I in my room for a second. And within that second we were just doing our thing, staring into my led lights when all the sudden my door swings open and standing in the doorway was FUCKING LORENNNN AND HER CRAZY ASS SISTER and I have to say when I first saw her I was like oh heyy, and then it hit me like OHH HEYYY WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM. This psycho hoe has so much audacity, she smiles at me and says “Hi ruby” and then proceeds to rock me and my friends shit. Let me remind  you that we were both on acid. She’s beating our ass while I can see mandalas is the fucking walls. She missed a punch and hit my headboard and LEFT A DENT. She was fucking ferral, beating our ass while I’m trying to get up and scream at her to GET THE FUCK OUT. And her sister the whole time just stood in my doorway fucking recording (I’ve seen it, my school saw it, it was just awful). Acid is all sensory, so things are really hard to comprehend and what happened didn’t all the way register to me until after she left. And the scariest part was that she took my house key with her. I can laugh about it now, cause that’s one of the craziest stories I have, but I was fucking traumatized (duh). All I could think was that she just broke into my safe space and now I have nowhere to go to feel ok, to try to calm myself down, cause I didn’t want to stay where I just got beat up. But I didn’t leave, I stayed home and waited for Lilly to get back and she calmed us down and we spent the rest of the night talking and watching music videos. For months after this event I would flinch everytime a door opened or closed in my house and we never hid another spare key again. 

I wanna end this by saying FUCK YOU LOREN PHILIPS I don’t like wishing bad things onto people, like I don’t want her to get hurt to try and bring some sort of justice to my pain. But in this situation Loren, I hope that every page you turn in a book gives you a paper cut. I hope that every time you drink something hot, you burn your tongue. I hope you split your pants every time you bend over. I hope that every time you order out, they mess it up. I hope that every time you go to the bathroom, it’s out of toilet paper. I hope you sleep through all of your alarms. But above all I hope you go to therapy. Cause she got serious problems.